That's the MegaSaurAss, second from left

THE FINGERTIPS Q&A Shane Nelken (The Awkward Stage) "These are rather difficult and complicated questions." January 2009

The Fingertips Q&A was launched in August with the express intent of allowing actual, working musicians the chance to talk about the state of the music industry in the digital age --or not talk about it, if that's more their preference. This month we veer a bit in that direction, thanks to Shane Nelken's wicked and pointed sense of humor. Nelken is the talented and sardonic front man for the Canadian band The Awkward Stage, featured on Fingertips in May 2008. (The song, "Animé Eyes," was also featured as one of the Fingertips Favorites of 2008.) The Fingertips Q&A is not in any case intended as a comprehensive discussion. Each time I ask five simple questions, although Nelken immediately begged to disagree. "These are rather difficult and complicated questions," he said, to begin with. Follow him from there; he doesn't waste time, or a punchline. (For the record, I am not sure what either a "uni" or a "duo" or a "poly-corn" is.) Even if he had only answered the second question, this would have been a great success. Q: Let's say you're in charge of everything, and the music industry will work, moving forward, exactly how you want it to. Do digital downloads exist? Why or why not? Anything you would change right away? A: First off, "in charge of everything" would be pretty cool. Before I would address digital downloads I would create a hermaphrodite dwarf army to dance for me when I'm feeling blue. Then I would ride the streets on my Uni, Duo, or Poly-corn. Maybe a pegasus. I would rain fireballs upon the rooftops of all who oppose me. I would wear a chain mail onesie. I have no problem with digital downloads. Q: Talk about one or two things that people who work in the music industry don't seem to understand about musicians in the 21st century. A: Now, I can't speak for all of us 21st-century musicians but I feel I can speak for all the ones that were at our last meeting. What the music industry types don't understand is that if we are threatened enough, we emit a toxin through the pores on our backs that can cause a total lack of empathy in the attacker. Q: Ringtones, good or evil? A: When the bank is calling to tell me I'm going to jail, it softens the blow to hear my phone ring something by the Jonas Brothers. Q: Does the existence of the internet, and digital distribution of music via the internet, now influence how you think about music, and how you write music? A: No. It probably should but it doesn't. I am a dinosaur. A MegaSaurAss to be exact. Q: A lot has been made of the assertion that in the future, people won't buy music, and artists will make a living only via performance. What are your feelings about that idea? A: Artists have always been raped and will always be raped. The only differences throughout the ages have been different lubricants and different ski masks. We don't make money. We are in it because we hate ourselves. Oh, and because we love connecting with people. Q: What question would you like to answer about music and the internet that I didn't ask? A: The answer is either photosynthesis, feline A.I.D.S, or long walks on the beach. Also available: the Fingertips Q&A with Mark Northfield (December 2008) the Fingertips Q&A with Mike Reisenauer (Pale Young Gentlemen) (November 2008) the Fingertips Q&A with Brad Armstrong (13ghosts) (October 2008) the Fingertips Q&A with Dirk Darmstaedter (September 2008) the Fingertips Q&A with Jonatha Brooke (August 2008) © copyright 2009 Fingertip Productions